Shattered
by EldestIrish
Summary: Have you ever wondered why it took Lily until their 7th year to warm up to James?


**She just held her head in her hands, staring intently at the ground. Nothing could break her out of this twisted obsession. Student after student filed past the redhead as she sat on the staircase, ignoring bell after bell. Friends and professors had stopped to touch her shoulder or the crown of her head, trying desperately to rise a reaction out of her. But nothing seemed to do it. She shifted every few hours and they hoped this was her coming out of the stupor that had held her captive. **

**Lily Evans was stuck inside her own mind. She had tripped on the landing and ended up sitting on the stairs for the last day. The crimson light from the setting sun was coming through a window and lit up her fiery hair and getting caught in her eyelashes. Lily tried to blink away the brightness and shift a new thought into her head, but couldn't manage to do either of these things. **

'_**He did it again.'**_

'_**Why do I only want him?'**_

'_**Why do I keep going back?'**_

'_**Why does he keep it a secret?'**_

'_**Why does he toss me out like there is nothing between us?'**_

**Lily brushed a hand against her lips, still feeling his last rough kiss. She wiped both of her cheeks slowly, ashamed of the dampness she felt, even as more seeped out of her eyes. Her emerald eyes blazed bright green in her red, swollen face. Lily knew she wasn't a pretty crier and could only imagine what hell she must look like. To spare herself more shame, to protect that last scrap of dignity she clung to, Lily tucked her face into her crossed arms and ignored the world that was spinning around her.**

**James had taken to hiding in a corner of the hallway that Lily occupied. He was worried about her and wanted to be there if she came out of the daze she was in. He was afraid that she might need someone and not know who to turn to. He had skived all of his classes and meals. None of the professors said anything as they marked him absent on their rosters. It would take a fool to not know that he was hovering around Lily, even if no one had seen him all day. James watched as the redhead studied the corridor around her and then tucked her head back into the cradle her arms were providing. His heart broke to see the state she was in. And not a soul could explain why she was that way.**

**Except one lurking soul, who had the good sense to keep head low and strides long. His silver eyes looked over the heads of the last few students in the hall and landed on Lily. She looked like a fallen angel, broken beyond repair. She was completely haloed in the dying red light and her normally squared shoulders were slumped in defeat as she gave into her crumpling heart. He took a few steps forward and was standing at the bottom of the staircase she was sitting on when the late bell rang and Lily looked up. Sirius hadn't expected that and now had nowhere to hide. He scrambled up the flight of stairs that was separating them and knelt before her.**

"**Lily, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never meant anything to happen and then when something do happen, I didn't expect it to continue. We both know that anything between us is just a bad idea. What if James found out? He'd never speak to me again and he's my brother! Lily-flower," Sirius laid finger under her chin and forced her gaze to meet his, "I never meant to do this to you." **

**Lily's mind absolutely flew. She couldn't keep an order to the questions that were piling up. **

'_**Why did you keep coming back to me?'**_

'_**Why did you keep saying it had to end?'**_

'_**Why did you keep finding other girls?'**_

'_**I don't **_**care**_** if James knew!'**_

'_**Why was I never good enough for you?'**_

**For all the questions Lily had, she couldn't find a single answer.**

**James was frozen with horror, tucked away where he could see everything but no one could see him. All of the times that Lily and Sirius had been missing at the same time started to pile up in his head. He recalled every playful banter and ridiculous attempt at flirting that the two had shared. And the one time he had seen Lily place a careful kiss on Sirius' cheek replayed over and over again in his head until he felt his stomach rolling. **

**Silver met emerald as Sirius and Lily locked gazes. It was finally the young man that broke the eye contact because he couldn't stand the hurt that was so openly displayed on Lily's face. He stood and turned stiffly and walked down the same stairs he had ventured up to see her. He was a few paces away from the last step when something made him turn and look back at his broken angel.**

**Lily stood. Her knees protested and she felt wobbly on her feet after sitting all day. She was still bathed in the setting rays of the sun and her piercing eyes stood out all the more for it. Lily wasn't sure how much she could trust her voice, after having not used it all day, but she had to say one last thing to Sirius before she went to go find refuge in the shower.**

"**How many times can I break 'til I shatter?"**


End file.
